寄件人：jessie <***@yahoo.com>

　收件人：sally <***@sina.com>

　主题：sally I would like to tell you all

　日期： Tue, 17 Oct 2000 08:26:45 -0700 (PDT)

　抄送：



Hi,sally,



Tomorrow is your birthday, Happy birthday, sally, tutu. I guess you

will get a big meal, and also birthday gifts. I can simply say happy to

you but not able to share your big meal:(, Ok, enjoy your Happy day.



I am very appreciating your kindness telling me to keep the secret

still a secret. I trust you and believe you can understand me.



Everything happened in this summer before my departure. However in

fact my passion for Michael are three years. I would like to tell you all the

truth, no cheating, and you may think I should be blamed for some reasons.

Anyway I will take all the comments, including from other guys who wish Lang

and me a happy life. It is really a bitter topic; I did sth out of everyone's

imagination.



I can tell you Lang's feeling. He is rather sad. He told me to keep all

the things he made me or gave me because there was his heart inside. You know

when I heard these words I was also sad to die. At that time tears were not

enough, everything was not enough to express my sadness. Ithought I was the

very person hurt most. Anyway we were boy and girl friends for five years.

It was mainly because my Dad's cancer. When I got the news I could hardly

hold myself,especially for I was going to Denmark, so far from him. Thus I

cherished him and would not lose anything more I cherished, that is Michael.

You know, my Dad like Michael better than Lang, I did not want to make him feel

sad any more. Michael and I often saw him in the hospital. But at that time

Lang was so busy dealing with his own business. We felt apart then. Things are

always like this, when a disaster occurs the balance will be changed. I really

like Michael for quite a long time, and Lang knew about that. He tried his best

to keep my heart and most of time he made it.But I still needed Michael. We

often had a long talk via phone or in a face-to-face way.



At first I told Lang about this feeling. Of course he got angry, and I

did not tell him any more for the last three times. I can remember it was

three times. I just felt rather glad with Michael and once I could not see him

I would miss him very much. Michael held the same feeling, maybe not as strong

as mine. At our beginning (M and I ), we both felt not good because we should

get used to each other for a changed relationship. But now, I got his promise,

he said he will try his best to make me a happy life. I can just say both Lang

and Michael are good guys, I would rather choose them as friends, but I must

have a husband to live together for our rest of lives. And Michael fits me

better, so it is also simply. I felt sorry for Lang very very much. The reason

why I kept such relationship with Lang for long is because he was extremely

kind to me, and I have no reason to leave him, and on the other hand I thought

by misunderstanding that Michael loves other. But I thought I couldn't let the

mistake go on. I love Michael but appreciate Lang. If I always miss Michael

while I was doing intimate things with Lang, it is also unfair for Lang. I

should tell him the truth and beg for excuse. That was my fault.Lang is

innocent; he is kind but was hurt so deep. Maybe I like him but it is not love.



May I stop here for this time? I can tell you more next time if you still

want to know more.



Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself.





Yours jessie

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看完jessie信，我真有一种说不出来的感受，我们有时是不是因为害怕受伤而继续那

已经不存在真正意义上的感情呢？还是因为不得不面对现实的无奈时而去放弃那已经渴望

已久的感情呢？